


Realizations

by AifasInTheSky



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: (sort of), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26281534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AifasInTheSky/pseuds/AifasInTheSky
Summary: Moments of clarity don't always come at the best of times.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 179





	Realizations

Benrey realized he loved him at the worst moment of them all.

Gordon had found his weakness. Which he’d predicted he’d do, of course, what with his constant insistence on passports. But what he didn’t account for was the ability of _time travel_ —how could Coomer hold that much power? He was just human.

Fear for his own life overcame him for the first time in a long while as the Science team renewed their efforts to destroy him, now with a _huge_ chance of it. He twisted and yelled, Sweet Voice escaping his contorted lips—pain, hurt, fear. His eyes fell on Tommy, his friend, who was shooting at him with pained determination. On Bubby, who had plotted the ultimate prank with him, now setting his arms on fire. On Coomer, whose comments had made him laugh more than once, and whose fists now tore his muscles apart.

On Gordon. On the heated expression in his face. On the hurt, and anger, and tiredness, and _hate_ in those spectacled eyes.

How had it all come to this? He never wanted to be the big bad. He just wanted to have fun. To make his friends laugh. To hear _Gordon_ laugh. His laughter always brightened any room, any situation they were in. It was so easy to push his buttons, though. So easy to make him angry. He always had trouble telling when people were genuinely angry—especially with someone as moody as Gordon.

He couldn’t bear what he’d become in everyone’s eyes. Especially Gordon’s.

And it was in those last moments, when Gordon pointed his gun at him and he felt the last, deadly bullets bury inside him, when he felt the certainty of death, of _this is the end of the line for me_ , that Benrey felt a heartache that hurt him even more than his flesh wounds.

He realized that, if him being gone was what Gordon needed to get safe home, he’d do it in a heartbeat again. He’d give his life for Gordon anytime.

And it seemed the time was now.

\-----

Gordon realized he loved him at the stupidest time possible.

They’d all been helping Tommy set up the monthly Science Team BBQ. Its current host and Darnold were busy with ensuring the refreshments were in proper cooling conditions, Sunkist on their tail. Bubby was setting up the fire under Dr. Coomer’s watchful, though surprisingly welcome, gaze—he’d have thought Coomer would’ve ended on fire himself after the first thirty seconds of it.

He was… Well, he was.

He’d been clearing the area for when they decided to get on with the usual games, but Benrey had been faster than him, expert, sharp eyes catching on every obstacle and removing them at once—he had to yell at him not to throw rocks at the neighbors’ lawn, but that was a minor incident for Benrey, to be fair.

Now he and Benrey were sat on the clear grass, enjoying the spring breeze as Benrey played Pokemon Fire Red on his Game Boy Advance. Benrey had sat on is lap a while ago, and to be honest, it had been a while since he’d cared about Benrey’s lack of respect for his personal space. Content with resting his head in Benrey’s shoulders and looking at the screen as he attempted to do an all-bug-pokemon run, Gordon snickered from time to time as Benrey struggled to overcome the Spearows in his path.

“Damn…” A sniff. “Birds. I love you. But you’re making this—” A snort. “Difficult.”

“Benrey, are you okay?” Gordon asked. He looked at Benrey’s legs, which were full of red spots where his shorts didn’t cover them. Wait. “Benrey, are you allergic?!”

“Huh? Uhh… Maybe?” he said, distractedly scratching his leg as a Spearow dealt a crit to his Beedrill.

“Holy shit, man! Stand up, I’ll get you a chair—”

“No!” Benrey shouted, and immediately sneezed on the screen. Ew.

“We can chill together in the chair, too, Benrey, I promise.”

Benrey perked up. “Alright then, bro.”

Gordon couldn’t believe it. Benrey never had a preservation instinct, but he’d have thought he’d cross the line at something that handicapped his gaming. Well, maybe he considered it extra “gamer points” or whatever. He shook his head as he picked up the chairs—better to lie down onto—he knew Benrey felt comfortable with him, but he should take care of himself too.

He was bringing the chairs back to their spot, when he saw Benrey standing there, still playing, tongue poking out his mouth in concentration. His heart did a stutter as he watched him—and it wasn’t an uncommon sight, even, he’d seen him do the same many times in his living room, when they played after doing the dishes together. But there was something in the way his eyes brightened when he looked at him—

Oh, shit, he was looking at him.

“Hurry, bro, I’m about to end this Pidgey’s whole career—”

His cheeks felt hot as he rushed towards Benrey. Fuck, fuck. Did he really have to do this now? Did he really have to remember all the times he made him laugh? All the times he’d been there for him? How it felt when he leaned onto him when they were playing Mario Kart together? How it felt to wake up next to him?

Holy shit.

“Uhh… Are you alright, friend?”

He looked up at Benrey, who had walked up to him and was looking at him with concern. He dropped the chairs as calmly as he could on the ground. He gulped. And made a decision.

A decision that felt too long on the making.

“Can I do something, Benrey? Promise not to freak out?”

“Uhh… You _are_ freaking me out, man—I mean.” Benrey gulped as Gordon lowered his gaze to his lips. “Go ahead.”

Gordon closed his eyes. He felt Benrey tremble as he placed a gentle hand on his cheek. He caressed it with his thumb, trying to convey as much reassurance as he could. Benrey leaned onto it, exhaling softly.

“Hey, you too! Quit fooling around and come set the table!”

They both jumped, looking at Bubby, who was being slapped in the head lightly by Dr. Coomer—“Hey!”—as Tommy and Darnold glared at him.

They looked at each other.

Benrey’s eyes searched Gordon’s for something… Something he seemed to find, if the happy glint in them said anything.

“Later?” asked Gordon, mouth dry.

“Uhh… Definitely,” Benrey said, grinning from ear to ear.

And as he watched Benrey run towards the lunch table, Benrey’s legs still red, his realization settled in. He’d do anything to see Benrey happy. And he’d do anything to protect that smile.

 _Well_ , he thought, grabbing the chairs and bringing them to the table. _Time to work on it_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Sorry for the hiatus (although I've done worse, believe me. TF2 folks know). I er... wanted to write something fluffy for my birthday--which is on the 5th but I'm overeager dskjsdfjk and I asked on Discord for a prompt and I was given this lovely one! Moments of Oh Shit I'm In Love (thank you very much!!)
> 
> I have a few WIPs still and the still unfinished Reflections, but I'm currently working for Tales of Teufort, a TF2 Zine (!!!) and I might go a bit slow on them, sorry. I hope you enjoy this short thingamajig c:
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! ♥


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